Safety At The Turn of the Last Century -- A Satire

MEMORANDUM TO DIRECTOR, BUREAU OF FEDERAL TRANSPORTATION From:   BoFT Safety Inspectors Re:         Auto-mobile Issues Date:     Circa 1910 We write with concern regarding the safety of the newest transportation innovation the “auto-mobile.” As you know the auto-mobile is a novel technology that has yet to be fully tested by the government. We therefore think that authorizing its use for commercial purposes is premature at this time. Indeed, these new machines are far too risky and their public use should be prohibited. Our fears concerning the risk of these new machines have proven immensely prescient. After you recently authorized six cinema companies to use auto-mobiles in their productions, one of the machines crashed. Now, granted, there were no injuries from the crash, nor any adverse impact on local citizenry. Nonetheless, the writing is on the wall and these new-fangled contraptions are, manifestly, an imminent danger. Why, anyone can operate one – at a minimum we ought to require a licensed auto-mobile driver with 1000s of hours of experience. In reaching the conclusion that auto-mobiles should be banned, we have, of course, given absolutely no consideration to any countervailing economic benefits that might arise from their use. Indeed, as careful government bureaucrats we cannot imagine any positive value at all to their employment by the public. We do not see what value there might be in speeding the delivery of goods; enhancing the mobility of the travelling public; or allowing first responders to rapidly respond to incidents. In our view, the current 10 mph practical maximum for a horse and buggy is more than adequate to public commerce. We therefore reject as inadequate your plans to permit auto-mobiles only on a limited basis, operating on roads no more than 400 feet from human observation remaining at least 5 miles away from any school or other vulnerable institution. Those measures are plainly inadequate and a complete ban on this innovative technology is the only reasonable solution. Should you choose to disregard our advice and approve the use of automobiles, even on a trial basis, we will leak your decision to the Washington Past and characterizes it as the result of pressure from industry to evade rigorous safety reviews. Of course, we will make these disclosures anonymously, confident that the Past will correctly characterize your reasonable, pro-economic liberty decision as a corrupt bargain with influential lobbyists. **** For those who don’t get the snark, here’s a link to a recent Washington Post “expose.”